Let The Light Guide You Trough
by OncerSwarekJateHudsonGscout22
Summary: AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. The boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.
1. Chapter 1

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

** A/N: ****Hi guys! I hope you are well! This story is been spinning in my head for a while and I finally decided to give it a try. A few notes on this one. Finn's dad is alive, he and Carole moved to New York to be closer to the kids. I will be using all of the kids from my previous stories all wrapped up in one. I don't know a lot about the army except from movies but this is character driven so I won't elaborate on it much but if there are mistakes, they are all mine. Finn and Rachel live in New York but like in the show, moved there after high school from Lima.**

**I don't own Glee! Just a bunch of Finchel babies!**

**Kids:**

**Cory Jonathan Hudson. 16**

**Matthew "Matt" Noah Hudson. 13**

**Jackson "Jack" Asher Hudson. 8 **

**Hannah Barbara Hudson. 6**

**Michael Perry Hudson. 3**

**Wyatt James Hudson 15 months **

**Micah Samuel Hudson 2 months old**

**Chapter 1:**

Rachael slammed the alarm off for the third time that morning. It was the first day of school and she couldn't possibly be running late. Still she couldn't get herself to wake up, as the coldness on the other side hit her.

"Mom?" She heard a soft knock on the door. "Are you up? We're going to be late."

She didn't answer right away. "Yes, yes, I'm up." She groaned as she heard something crashing. With all the will power she had, she checked on her babies. Wyatt was no longer in his crib.

* * *

Her small battalion as she liked to call them was trying to make breakfast, she was thankful they had let her sleep for a while longer, but it all shattered when she saw the mess in the kitchen. A mess she'd have to clean.

Wyatt sat happily on his high chair as Cory placed a bowl of cereal in front of him. "Good morning mom, I made you some coffee." Thank goodness for Cory. She was her hero.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Perry called her attention by pulling on her leg.

"Mom did you pick up my uniform?" Matt called as he drank from the milk cart.

"Dude, that's gross!" Jack mused in. Matt made a face but was quickly told off. "Mom!"

"Matt, please don't do that." Rachel said calmly picking up Perry "Where you raised by monkeys?"

"Dad does it." Matt let out. Rachel felt herself tense at the mention of Finn.

"And I tell him the same thing over and over again." Matt could see the sadness in his mothers eyes so he took a glass out and put the cart away.

"Sorry. So did you?"

" what? Yes, it's..." Crap. She'd totally forgotten about Matt's uniform. That kid grew at an alarming rate. "Can you use your old one, just for today?" Matt eyed her for a moment, sighing.

"Fine. Will you come to the game?"

"Of course baby, I wouldn't miss it." Matt gave her the trademark Hudson smile.

"Mamma! I need help! Can't tie it!" Hannah came bouncing up and down with one bare foot. Her screams were muffled by that of the youngest of the brood.

"It's fine mom, I got it." Cory made his way back down the hall. A moment later he came carrying baby Micah. Rachel who had put Perry on a chair at the table took the baby.

"Hey mom? I think we are out of food. Again." Jack informed much to her dismay. Her head was about to explode.

* * *

Yes it was the first day of school but it seemed just as chaotic as any other day. Ever since he'd left.

Cory, who had recently received his driver's license offered to take the eldest kids to school on Finn's truck as she took the van. "Mommy?" Hannah asked as they walked hand in hand to the school gate.

"Yes Han?"

"Will daddy call today?" Rachel sighed. She honestly didn't know. It was so hard for Finn to get in touch once he was transferred. Her little girl, surrounded by her brothers was Finn's little princess, And she had him wrapped around her finger.

"I don't know baby, I really hope so." It wasn't Hannah's first day at elementary school thank goodness. she was going off to 2nd grade, and that was definitely a good thing because she wasn't sure how much drama she could handle in a day.

"Me too." Hannah admitted shyly. Rachel pushed the stroller alongside Hannah as they reached the door.

"Have a great first day baby, I love you."

"I love you too mommy."

* * *

Next she made her way over to her mother's daycare where she'd drop off Perry.

"Good morning Rachel." Jane, one of the girls who worked with Shelby said.

"Hey." She greeted with a big smile. "How are you today?"

"Great!" The younger woman smiled. "And how's that beautiful baby of yours? Still growing?"

"Yes, he definitely takes after the Hudson genes."

Perry was easily left off. He said goodbye to his mom and Rachel got ready to get back home.

She then dedicated her day to clean up and take care of her two babies. With Micah's birth only 3 months ago, she had been on maternity leave for a while, but she still tried her best to work from home, with Finn gone, they needed the money.

"Oh hey Kurt." She reached for her phone as she fed Micah. "Are you busy?"

"For you? Never! What's up?" Kurt had been her best friend for years now. He had moved just a few blocks from them when he and Blaine had decided to adopt.

"Ummm.. I'm actually embarrassed to Ask you this, but would it be much trouble if you came over? I really need some grown up talk."

* * *

"What in the world happened here? Are we around tornado season?" Kurt joked at the mess. "And I complain on how much of a mess two kids make. I'm helping you clean this up now!"

"You really don't have to. I'll get to it, eventually." The frustration in her voice made Kurt so sad. It had been nearly four months since she had seen Finn. He didn't even know Micah yet.

"So, has he called?"

"No, not since last week."

"Did he tell you when he'd be able to?" Rachel waved her head.

* * *

They made it back from Matt's game just in time for dinner. She'd cook but she was beyond exhausted so instead, they ordered a pizza.

"So what should we watch today?" Rachel waved the movies in front of her. Then the phone rang. Jack was the fastest to answer it.

It was Finn. Her heart jumped a beat at the sound of his voice. Just like it had when she was fifteen.

"Hey guys!" Finn's face came on the screen. The excitement in her children's eyes was too much for her to bear.

"Dad I totally crushed on my game tonight!" Matt gave him a few Pointers on the game as Cory said he'd been mastering the art of driving more each day. Jack and Hannah told him about their first day with less excitement when it came to the homework they already had to do. And this made him laugh.

"Dad, are you coming home soon?" Jack asked. Finn locked eyes with Rachel.

"I'm hopping buddy. Maybe in the next couple weeks."

"Are you? That's awesome!"

"So you'll make it for my birthday?" Cory asked. He didn't want to get his hopes up too soon. Finn had said he wasn't sure. And it broke Rachel's heart. When Finn didn't have much time left of his call, he asked the kids if he could have a little bit of time alone with mom and of course they agreed. Taking their turns to tell him how much he was loved. He was finally left alone with his wife.

"Hey beautiful."

"Hi." She was drained and could barely contain her excitement. "how is going? It's been pretty chaotic around here"

"Busy. Sorry I couldn't call sooner babe, it's been pretty crazy around here. But then how am I to talk crazy huh? You got it down there too. I take it first day of school went well?"

"It was fine. Cory and Matt helped me the most, but I missed you helping me get out of bed." Rachel smiled playfully. "I just really miss you."

"I know Rach, you have no idea. How's Micah?"

"Getting so big, you should see him Finn."

"I will, soon."

"Come on Hud! We got to go!" She heard a familiar voice call. Then Sam's face came on screen. "Hey Rachel."

"Sam."

"Sorry to steal the LT Hudson here but we've got to get going"

Finn sighed. "You heard the man babe, duty calls." He sighed into the screen but a crooked smile formed on his face.

"Finn. Be careful okay?"

"Always am beautiful. I love you."

"I love you too." Then the screen went black.

* * *

She was making her final round of the night when she found Cory was still awake. "Hey baby."

"Hey." Cory was an exact replica of Finn, her sweet boy was sometimes too strong for his own good. Rachel sat by the foot of the bed as Cory looked up from his notebook. "So..."

"So... I was wondering if tomorrow you would help me out by buying some groceries and stuff for your party." Cory eyed her closely.

"I don't need a party mom, I'm fine."

"Everyone needs a party Cory. That's not up for discussion. 16 is big!"

"No it's not. " she knew he was hurting because they all knew Finn wouldn't make it back in time. He'd already missed a few birthdays along the way, including his own. Cory's voice softened. "It's fine mom, really I don't need a party, maybe we could just go to grandpa's restaurant?" Rachel smiled. "And when dad gets back we'll all celebrate together?"

"Sounds like a plan." She said holding back the tears as Cory looks up at her with a smile. His smile.

"You do know he's coming home, right?"

"I do." She cleaned the tears from her eyes. "Did you take your pills?" He nodded.

"I really should finish this." Cory said a moment of silence later.

"of course baby...Good night Cory."

"Goodnight mom. I love you."

She got ready for bed putting on one of Finn's shirts. The smell of them, helped her to sleep. She rolled on to her side to look at the picture at the bedside table. It was a picture taken in April, just before Finn was deployed. She was pregnant with Micah at the time, she held baby Wyatt in her arms while Perry rested on Finn's shoulders. His free hand wrapped around her. Cory and Matt stood besides Finn. While Jack and Hannah sat on the ground.

Her eyes closed of exhaustion as she got ready for the next day of being without him.

**So what did you guys think? Thanks for reading! Answers will be given next chapter! Thanks for reading! Please review if you can :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**Thank you so much for the follows, favs, etc guys! They mean the world to me! On to the story.**

**I don't own Glee!**

**Chapter 2:**

She remembered the first time she'd found out about Cory, her now teenage son. She and Finn weren't together back then, they'd broken it off about a year before. Then came Mr. Shue's wedding and everything changed. She was a mother 28 weeks later. Her sweet boy was a reminder of how much she loved her Finn , she had to struggle to come to terms with telling everyone about Cory, Kurt and Santana, her best friends, and of course, Brody, her boyfriend at the time, the one she had cheated on. Yet, she did not tell her dads or Finn's parents, not until she had told him.

She remembered opening the door and finding him there. In New York.

_"Is it true?" Was the first words to leave his mouth. Finn, his ever now 19 year old self seemed more like a man than the boy she'd left back on the train and yet at the wedding. The boy who was meant to be in Georgia. was in New York._

_"Finn" Finn looked down at her stomach. She wasn't showing much just yet._

_"Puck told me." Noah and Mike had joined him into the army right after he'd enlisted, Sam following closely the year after, she swore those boys did everything together since they were little kids. It was no wonder they'd follow Finn's stupid lead._

_Not that she thought it was stupid, at least not for Finn. He'd done it to make things right for his dad, the dad he barely had a relationship because things had been so tense between them since Finn had been a child, and yet, this boy had given up everything to make his father happy._

_"Tell me the truth." He begged._

_"How did Puck find out?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

_"It does to me." She answered shakily._

_"Is it mine?" There was a bit of concern in his voice. After all, she had cheated on Brody._

_"Yes." Rachel's voice broke. She began to lose vision from her tears. Then she felt his strong arms around her._

* * *

"Mom?" A voice called her back to the mess in front of her. Her then fragile sweet boy, was now a man, a good one at that, so much like his dad. "Are you sure you want to go?" Cory asked worriedly. Blaine and Rachel's new play was opening on Broadway that night. As partners and producers, she needed to be there, and so her ever chivalrous son had offered to be her date for the night. Carole had offered to babysit.

She had not noticed the tears coming from her eyes. She'd have to redo her makeup.

"I'm almost ready honey." She informed him sniffing away the sadness.

"Umm okay." Cory said kindly. "I'll just wait outside then." And with that he'd left the room.

"What's the hold up?" Kurt asked. "We're going to be late!"

"Hold your panties Hummel!" Santana snapped."I'll take care of this.." And so they all stood there. In the Hudson messy living room. Santana and Quinn, Puck's wife had come for moral support.

"No wonder we'll be late." Santana said entering the room. Rachel sat in front of her mirror redoing her makeup. "Speak up Berry, what's up?"

Rachel stared at her best friend. She didn't know what was wrong with her to be honest, maybe it was a rush of hormones from having the baby or the fact that she was 33 years old and a mother of seven. Right now, a single mother of seven whose husband had not been able to call for a week.

"Ay Dios mío!" Santana hated seeing Rachel so helpless. "Okay enough! Today is a big day for you and Mr. Bow ties." She said referring to Blaine. "It's not a time for whipping and moping, it's a time for you to celebrate the big bucks you'll be making. God knows you need them." Rachel smiled softy, glancing once more at the picture on the nightstand.

She actually managed to have a good time, in spite of the knowing looks people tended to give her. She'd heard what people said about her. About Finn and their children. They'd call Finn and a hero one moment and the next an irresponsible baby maker. Yes, it was not common for people to have these many children in so short time, and yet, she'd managed to love every single one of them.

"Mom?" Her son's gaze fell upon her as they sat down. Cory, her short to be 16 year old reminded her so much of Finn, his kind amber eyes looking at her reassuringly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine." She said squeezing her child's hand. Cory seemed settled.

"Are you as nervous as I am?" Blaine whispered on the other side of Rachel's. She nodded quietly. From her days of being Fanny Brice on Broadway to being Maria, to her uncanny sudden success in business with Blaine, Rachel wondered if she deserved all of this, specially if Finn wasn't there to celebrate it with her.

* * *

"So why on earth haven't I received an invitation to your party yet?" Hayley, a friend of Cory's asked a few days before the actual event.

"Because there won't be any." He said swinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Why not?" She asked curiously. Cory shrugged. "Cory."

"My mom is not..., she's really messed up this time okay?"

Haley had been friends with Cory since middle school, when he had begged his parents to let him go to a normal school. Having been homeschooled until the age of ten, Cory's shy persona seemed to be complemented by that one of his best friend.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't know Haley. It might have. Dad hasn't called. Again."

"Sometimes it takes him longer right? I'm sure he'll call soon." Cory smiled. And yet the call had not come.

* * *

But Cory's 16 birthday arrived. It was a late August night as the Hudson clan made It's way into Chris's restaurant. Since leaving the army, the eldest Hudson had found himself being very good at business, an assessment to that were both his restaurants, one in their hometown of Lima and now in the heart of New York.

"There is the birthday boy!" Carole wrapped his eldest grandchild into a hug. "Oh my god, you're almost as tall as your dad."

"Or so I've heard." Cory gave her a crooked smile.

"Here honey, let me help you." Rachel, followed by her kids and friends entered the restaurant.

"A drink little diva?" Kurt asked as they sat down. She wouldn't deny a glass of wine, if she was ever to be allowed to as she was still breast feeding.

"I thought you'd never ask." She said shyly toting Wyatt in her arms as Micah slept in his stroller. Rachel glanced over at Cory whose smile was wide as he spoke to his grandparents.

"I'd like to propose a toast." Chris rose from his chair later that night. "To my grandson and the reason we are all here. Happy birthday Cory."

"Shhh..." A sudden shudder pulled Rachel away from taking a picture with her phone as the kids huddled around Cory to blow the candles.

"Guys... Shh.. It might be Finn." The table went silence cold. Hello?" Cory held his breath.

"Why isn't there a party?" A familiar voice said from Rachel's phone. "Where's my birthday boy?"

"Babe." Rachel was so glad to hear his voice. "You're on speaker phone with everyone."

"Hello everyone!" He snipped. "Happy birthday Cor, I'm sorry I'm not there with you, just make sure Jack eats a extra slice of cake for me okay?"

"Already on it dad!" He heard Jack add in.

"Not if Matt beats him to eat then!" Finn heard Blaine said.

"Good, send me a picture later okay?"

"Daddy, do you miss us?" Hannah asked sweetly.

"Of course I do, I'm miserable here without my princess." Finn sighed. "Hey Han,"

"Yeah daddy?"

"Just make sure you give mommy the biggest hug from me? So she doesn't cry anymore."

"I'm not crying!" Rachel quickly defended herself.

"I'm sure she's not." A voice said behind Finn. It was Noah. "Berry, I do hope you keep telling Quinn I called!"

"Of course."

"In fact, everyone here wants to wish baby Huddy a happy birthday." The moment they boys from Finn's unit began to sing on the phone, Rachel could picture the boys trying to tune and it made her smile.

* * *

"Hello?" Jack Hudson answered the phone over silence over a normal Sunday night at the Hudson home. Where everyone, including him was meant to be in bed.

"may I speak with Mrs. Hudson please?"

"That's my mom. She's sleeping right now."

"Who's this?"

"My name is Jack, what's yours?" There was whispering on the other line. The young boy frowned.

"Jack, is your mom home?, I'm afraid it's important." The voice on the phone softened. "I really need you to get her for me, can you do that?"

"Okay."

Rachel was wrapping the remains of last night's cake when her son came dashing trough the kitchen with the phone up.

"Jack Hudson, what in the world see you doing out of bed?"

"Mom, someone is at the phone," Rachel cleaned her hands. A frown on her face. It was really late for any kind of call. She told her son off to bed and took the phone. Her hands were suddenly shaking.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Hudson? I'm sorry to call so late but... I'm afraid there's been an accident."

* * *

Cory was sleeping soundly when his brother came rushing on the stairs to wake him.

That's when Cory found his mother, collapsed one the kitchen floor. Her hands clutching on to the phone. Jack stood behind his brother.

"Mom?"

"Finn... No... Finn please.." Cory knelt down to take the phone from her hand. Her small body, clung into that of her son. Finn Hudson was lost in action.

* * *

**What did you guys think? Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**Thank you so much for the follows, favs, etc guys! They mean the world to me! On to the story.**

**I don't own Glee!**

**And don't worry, I'd never kill Finn. At least not in this story... He's got too many mouths to feed and I love him too much!**

**Chapter 3: **

She heard it like they all had. The boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. Her Finn, the father of her children was nowhere to be found.

"Rachel, come on sweetie, I'm taking you to bed." Kurt had arrived 10 minutes after that dreadful call.

"No... I can't... I can't sleep in my bed... Not without Finn. Please..." Kurt looked at Blaine with a worried eye. Both of them had come dashing, pajamas and babies in tow after Cory had called, they were barely ready to deal with this.

"She can stay in my room." Cory offered. "I don't mind." The teenager was distraught, that was no lie, but he'd never put himself before others, Finn never had.

"Alright." Kurt said slowly. "Come on little diva, you really need to go lay down okay?"

Rachel didn't answer. He just followed Kurt to the room, by now Matt and Hannah too were awake, much to the tragedies dismay.

"Cory, what did they say?" Matt asked once more as they stood in the living room. "What happened?"

"Where's dad?"

"Cory?" He felt a bit too overwhelmed and that wasn't good for his heart. He took a deep breath and begged Matt to take the kids into the next room.

"Cor? Are you feeling okay? You don't look so good." Blaine placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm..." Cory gasped for air. "I'm fine, I just need some air." Blaine didn't insist. Cory gave his mother one last look before making it barefoot into the night. The cold steps of the front door felt under his feet. He had a heart condition, one quite precarious and labeled of high risk, even though he had had a heart transplant 6 years before, he couldn't possibly be dealing with this. He held on to the phone, he had not realized he was still clutching it.

"You should be in bed too." Kurt said behind him. "I called your grandparents, they are on their way. I'll stay until they come."

Cory nodded. Exhaustion finally getting to him. He followed Kurt inside, taking a quick glance at his mom who'd been given a pill to get her to sleep.

"Cory?" The small voice of his sister asked when he entered his parents' bedroom. His brothers and sister were all cuddled inside. "Is daddy okay?" Cory didn't know what to say, so he didn't. He just held on to the pillow, the one belonging to his dad and closed his eyes.

* * *

The next day Carole had stayed with them, as Rachel had not gotten out of bed.

"Oh hi! Mrs. Hudson." Haley knocked on the door that afternoon. None of them had gone to school that day. "Is Cory here?"

"Haley dear." Carole said calmly. "Is not really a good time."

"Haley." A voice said behind Carole. Cory stood there, more pale than she'd seen him, an oxygen mask over his face.

"Oh my god! What happened?" Cory shared a look with his grandmother. He took a step outside and ushered her to join him.

"Do they... Do they know what happened?"

"Their unit was hit. That much I know, my grandfather has made a bunch of calls but... We'll know for sure when they get here."

Finn had carried on his mission to keep everyone safe. They didn't know the specifics but only a handful of people had survived the attack, including Sam, Puck and Mike.

Rachel went back to her bed unwillingly that afternoon. The smell of Finn in her bed was too much to bear.

_"Hey babe, how was your run?" Rachel asked from the bathroom as she heard him stumble down on the bed._

_"It was good. I set myself a new record, I'm totally going to kick Sam's butt this time." Rachel rolled her eyes at her husband's constant need to compete. She left the bathroom to find him all sweaty on her bed. Darn it the pregnancy hormones. This was her 5th baby and still she felt the need to... Well, she was a lady but she really needed her husband right now._

_"And how are you beautiful?" He grinned with a wide smile._

_"I'm good, a little tired." She joined him back on the bed. "This baby seems to think its funny to play karate with my bladder." She huffed._

_"That's why I keep telling you, I'm sure it's a boy." Finn said kissing her. By this stage at the game, she wanted a surprise so they had agreed not to find out the sex._

_"Whatever you say Finn. God knows I don't need more testosterone around here." Finn gave her a smile. That smile that made her weak in the knees. He leaned in to kiss her and she responded rather quickly. She and her darn hormones._

_"Is the door closed?" She asked when they broke the kiss._

_"It was last time I checked." Finn whispered as he bit her neck making her moan as she closed her eyes._

* * *

Rachel traced her fingers around her neck knowingly. God it was Finn's favorite spot to kiss, among other places of course.

"Rachel?" Santana's voice snapped her from her thoughts. "I just thought you should know the boys just landed, I'm heading to the hospital with Quinn. Mercedes and Tina will meet us there." She didn't answer, hell, she didn't even nodded her head.

She wasn't going anywhere, because Finn wasn't there.

Santana made her way to the hospital with Quinn, who surprisingly after all her baggage with Puck had ended up married. They had two children, Jonah and Liam, ages 10 and 5. Tina and Mercedes had not moved to New York when they had, Tina and Mike lived in Chicago, they had a little girl, while Mercedes And Sam who were yet to be married, had a little girl named Jennifer lived in California.

"Please let me assure you we are doing everything we can..." The doctor insisted at the worried glance of the women before him.

* * *

"Cory? Where are you going sweetie?" Carole Hudson asked as she spotted him from the kitchen.

"I'm going to the hospital, to see if there's news."

"Can I come?" Matt asked.

"Cory, I don't really think..."

"Grandma, please I need to do something, I can't just stand here..."

Carole knew that statement all too well, just like Cory, Chris had been impatient, calling everyone he knew from the army to get news of Finn. News that were yet to come.

"Alright, but please be safe." Cory nodded, his brother trailing behind him.

By the time they'd made to the hospital, Mercedes and Tina were already there.

"Still no news?" Santana asked Cory as he sat next to her. "No news means good news right?"

"How's everyone?" Santana put him up to speed on everyone. Puck was badly bruised but stable, while Sam and Mike remained in surgery.

Cory spotted Quinn and her mother, who'd flown from Lima.

"Aunt Quinn..." She had been crying as his eyes locked with hers.

"Oh honey..." She wrapped her arms around him. "How's your mom?" Cory was embarrassed to say how Rachel was. She was a mess, that's how she was.

"Aunt Quinn, does uncle Puck know what happened?" Came Matt's voice.

"Puck isn't awake yet Matty, I'm sorry..." She struggled to say.

"But he's okay?"

"All things considered. He's in the best shape possible, others took it worse."

"Mrs. Puckerman?" A nurse had come to look for her.

"Yes?"

"Your husband is asking to see you..." A wave of relief washed over Quinn's face. She was suddenly faced by the conflict of the two children beside her.

"Q..." Was the first word to come out of Noah's mouth as soon as she saw him.

"Puck..." His eyes landed on those of his wife, then drifting to Cory's.

"I'm glad you're okay uncle Puck..."

"Do you know what happened?" Matty jumped in. Puck swallowed.

"Not sure. Sorry... Wait, why are you here? Is Finn okay?"

"Dad's missing."

* * *

**So... What did you guys think? The only one whose awake doesn't know anything about Finn... And how's strong is Cory? Definitely his father's boy. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**Thank you so much for the follows, favs, etc guys! They mean the world to me! On to the story.**

**I don't own Glee!**

**Thanks again! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 4:**

Cory had never seen his mother so messed up. She barely made it out of bed and when she did, she didn't even pay attention to whatever it was she was doing. And it killed him.

It killed him that his sister looked for him to give her answers and he didn't have any.

"Are you sure you want to go to school?" Haley asked parking the car far to the side of the lot. Two days have passed since that call, and still nothing but uncertainty surrounds them.

"I have to go back someday." He sighed. "It's fine Hale."

"If you say so." He swung his bag over his shoulder with a weary mood. He knew people would ask and tell.

And this wasn't what he had expected. He had a heart condition and not once in his life had he resorted to violence, he wasn't like that, but a busted lip and limping in his leg told him otherwise.

"Cory. I understand you are going through some hard time right now, believe me, but I can't condone this sort of behavior."

And just like that he found himself In front of his mom and grandparents, ready to scram. His mom had cleaned herself up but she remained with a grim look on her face.

"Since this is his first offense, I won't suspend him, but detention for two weeks will be required."

"Thank you Mr. Lewis, I promise you this won't happen again." Rachel spoke slowly. She eyed Cory and the two of them along with Carole and Chris said goodbye. They walked to the car in silence. Until they reached Finn's truck, Rachel was still set to be inside it since the news of Finn's disappearance.

"Would you guys mind if I ride with Cory?" Rachel smiled up at Chris and Carole. The two of them didn't say much but understood she needed to spend some time with her son.

"Of course. We'll see you at home." Carole said sweetly kissing Cory's cheek.

Silence. He hated silence; having spent too much time at a hospital silence was never a good thing.

"Mom..."

"Drive." She spoke sternly. And he did. He could see his mom was trying to find a way to scold him.

"Are we going home?" The teen asked.

"No, we are going to Central Park." As soon as they got there, Rachel found a bench which Cory followed to reluctantly.

"Mom...,"

"I want you to listen to me." She said quietly. Cory bit his lip. "I know you are upset, believe me I can't even begin to tell you how I feel Cory, but you know better, I don't need anyone else at the hospital or in precarious situations, I don't need any of it, neither of us do."

"He just got on my nerves; I tried to brush it off but..."

"But you had to get into a fight?"

"I didn't mean it."

"Of course you did, you're grieving Cory, that's the way you reacted, it might not be right but it's human like." Cory gave her a crooked smile and she felt like she'd been kicked.

"Mom?" Rachel had began to feel her eyes water. Cory took her hand and squeezed.

"It's all his fault." She muttered. Cory wondered if she was still talking to him. "Him and his need to prove something..." Cory held her as she finally let out all her emotions.

"What are we going to do?" Cory asked his mother. Rachel looked at her sweet boy.

"Whatever we have to,"

* * *

"Do you know anything?" Santana asked Quinn. She waved her head.

"No, all I know it's they are bringing the remains back... Of the people who..."

"You don't think Hudson..."

"I don't know Santana.. God I don't. I can't even imagine how Rachel is feeling..."

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Santana said much to her surprise as Rachel and Cory walked in the waiting area.

"Quinn. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier... How is Noah?"

Quinn smiled softly. " I can't believe you're even here..."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Rachel asked, her voice quivering.

"It's just..."

"Are you sure you want to be here?" Santana asked pulling Rachel aside after she hugged Quinn.

"What else I am meant to do Santana? I am alone and at home, everything just reminds me of Finn... I need to do something."

"What on earth happened to you?" Quinn asked as she noticed Cory's injuries.

"I..."

"Way to go Huddy, did you finally grow up?"

"Santana! Don't encourage him!" Rachel snapped. "Come on, I need to find a doctor, he might need some stitches." Rachel dragged Cory along. Santana and Quinn in tow.

"Do you think she's coping?" Quinn asked.

"I don't know what the hell she's doing but it can't be good." She muttered back.

* * *

"Ah good, just in time for dinner." Carole said as soon as Rachel and Cory walked inside the house.

"So it's true! You got into a fight?" Matt mused in disbelief. "Awesome!"

"No, it's not awesome!" Rachel said tiredly. "Just asked him how many stitches he needed?"

"A lot?"

"It might leave a scar." Cory smiled softly as his brothers disregard of Rachel's comment.

"Just like dads, they are your battle scars Cor," Matt added in. Rachel felt light headed.

"The babies are already sleeping honey." Carole told Rachel as she moved back into her room.

"Where's grandpa?" Cory asked.

"He took your brother and sister to pick up some food from the restaurant. You guys barely have food to cook for too many people."

* * *

_Rachel had arrived late that day; she hated the proceedings for getting the rights to a new play even though they needed to be done. She noticed the slight smell of food coming from the kitchen._

_Finn was standing over the stove, pasta brewing._

_"Oh hi babe. I wondered where you were." He said with a wide smile._

_"What smells so good?" She asks kissing him softly._

_"The kids were craving Mac and cheese but I thought I'd spice it up a bit." Finn said._

_"Mommy!" 3 year old Hannah came bouncing up and down._

_"Hey baby, did you help daddy make dinner?"_

_"I did... Ice cream!" Rachel frowned._

_"She means she picked up desert." Finn said._

_"Oh, well what's better than ice cream, right?"_

_"It was a great dinner babe." Rachel said as she leaned her head into his chest. "I must say you are becoming quite gifted." Finn laughed._

_"Yeah, I figured I might learn something from helping dad run the restaurant." She kissed her cheek. "Though ice cream was the best part wasn't it?"_

_"The best."_

* * *

"What are you saying?" Rachel asked. Chris and Carole just informed her of their desire of wanting her and he kids to move in with them.

"it's just temporary." Chris said calmly. "Until we know what's next."

"What do you mean? They are going to find Finn, I know they are."

"Honey...We have people who can help you with the kids... You don't have to go trough it alone.."

"No! They will find him! He has to come home..."

"Rachel... Listen to me, it's been over two days...at this rate..."

"Shut up!" She never thought she'd snap at Finn's parents. "Don't... It's your son! How can you just say there's nothing to be done?!"

"There is..." Rachel could see the sadness and tears in Carole's eyes. "You have to let us help you honey."

"Help me how? By taking me away from my home? By giving up?"

"Rachel..."

"Leave." She spoke coldly. "Please leave." Chris and Carole lowered their heads. She couldn't believe his parents of all people were telling her it was all over.

"Mommy?"

"We heard shouting, is everything okay?" Jack asked. Her children stared at her tiredly and with fear.

"I..."

"When is daddy coming home?"

"You know what? I don't know baby, but I'm sure he's just about to find his way back." Rachel picked her daughter up. "Why don't we just find a late night snack so we aren't as sad huh?"

Shortly after she found herself with five of her seven children, all of them eating cookies and milk in her bed.

"Mommy?" Hannah asked sweetly. "Is New York hard to find?"

"It's not that hard no,"

"Oh then, daddy will find it right?"

"He will." She said with a weary smile. "He's always come back to us."

* * *

"Chris?" Carole felt the emptiness of the bed as a cold wave hit her body. Her husband stood by the kitchen table, his body was leaned down and frozen. "What's wrong?" Her husband looked at her with weary eyes.

"I..."

"Chris, is this about Finn?"

"They, they found a body. Without tags but, they are not sure..."

"Oh God..."

"I need to go and ID it..."

"What about Rachel?" Carole asked leaning closer to her husband.

"I'm not getting her involved, not until I know for sure."

* * *

**Uh oh! Have they found Finn? And more flashbacks to come! Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**Thank you so much for the follows, favs, etc guys! They mean the world to me! On to the story.**

**I don't own Glee! Thanks again!**

**Chapter 5:**

"You what?!" Haley snapped at Cory as soon as he went to school the next day. She had to miss it because she had a doctor's appointment. "I leave you alone for a day and you get into a fright?"

"Relax, it wasn't that bad." Cory rolled his eyes. "My mom wasn't even that mad, she said I was projecting missing my dad."

"Were you?" Cory shrugged.

* * *

"Matt, you're up!" Coach Riley called. Matt looked up to see everyone was lining up for practice.

"Ummm I don't know coach. I don't think I can..."

"What? Are you sick?"

"No, not really... But I just... I don't feel up to it." The teen admitted sadly. The man told the other kids off to the side and sat next to Matt.

"You wanna tell me what's really going on?" Matt rolled his eyes. "Still no news about your dad?" Matt waved his head. The coach scratched the back of his neck frustrated. "Tell you what kid? There's nothing you can do about it. Not getting him back, I mean... But there's this thing that will make you feel better." The kid's interest sparkled. "You are really good with that stick kid, and it's a way to blow off steam, I know you are upset, hell I am upset about it too... Your dad is a good man, and he does what he has to. So you got to do what you have to as well."

"Rachel. Listen to me." Mercedes told her as she joined her friends at the hospital's cafeteria. "No news is good news, I mean when I got that call..."

"Yes, I was terrified that white car would pull up the street." Tina added.

"Guys, I don't think you are helping..." Quinn could see Rachel was getting really anxious. "Anyways, I'm sure they will tell you he's fine."

"Hasn't Finn's dad found out anything?" Tina asked. Funny enough, Rachel had not heard from Chris since their blowout yesterday. Carole had said she was sorry she'd intrude on how she wanted to manage her life and admitted she was just worried sick about Finn, I mean, so was she...

_She sat there on a blanket as they watched the kids run around the park. Finn was laid on his back looking up. "Rach?"_

_"Yes?" She said rubbing her prominent belly, she was actually surprised to have become pregnant so soon after Wyatt's birth. The baby slept soundly on the stroller by the side._

_"I... I don't want you to freak out but..." He knew he was a dead man anyways. Rachel frowned._

_"Mom!" Jack called after them. "Tell them to drop it!" Cory and Matt had Jack pinned down while Hannah and her little brother cheered them on._

_"Finn?" Rachel asked confused, her husband simply told her they would talk later, as he stood up defiantly._

_"You call that rough housing?" Finn mused. Cory and Matt stopped cold._

_"You think you can do better?" Matt dared him. Finn smirked as he looked back at Rachel who rolled her eyes, sometimes Finn was the biggest kid around._

_"Want do you think?" Finn said playfully as he joined the boys on the grass, Hannah and Perry moved to Rachel's side, delighted to see the show. Though Rachel was sure they'd quickly join in the fun._

_She had had the hardest time raising boys, not because they were difficult, but because they were boys and so tall for her small frame, all except for Jack, who Finn said would reach his height when he had to._

_"Okay! Okay! I give up." Finn rolled to his side as the boys collapsed by his side. Hannah and Perry had also joined in tackling in._

_"Told you you couldn't do it." Matt grinned taking a deep breath._

_"Enough of this, I need a drink. Who's with me?" Finn joked pushing the boys to the side. He reached to the picnic basket to pull a bottle of water. The boys and Hannah trailed after him._

_"Tired much babe?" Rachel smiled._

_"Ah, nah, I just don't want them to think I'm an easy target." He whispered in her ear placing a sweet kiss._

_"Oh but you are." She giggled. Finn laughed Kissing her softly._

_"Hey guys? What about a picture?"_

_Rachel rolled her eyes at her husband, he always had the need to record everything._

* * *

Rachel held the picture up to return it to the nightstand, next to each of her children's baby pictures and the one from her wedding; she remembered having it when she was 18. Right after Cory was born and had his first heart surgery. she and Finn thought their boy wouldn't live long enough to see that happen so they had just gone to city hall and made it happen, much to Kurt's dismay, after that, they had had a small ceremony in which she had wore white, Finn looked as handsome as ever when they said their vows at the beach, their closest friends and family surrounding them.

"Rachel?" Santana knocked on the door; she had not even realized tears were pouring from her eyes. "Are you ready to go?" She had decided to take the kids to the park, Santana, Kurt, Stephanie and Tyler in tow, Kurt and Blaine's adorable 3 year old twins were Perry's partners in crime, although she was sure her little man was the head of the operation. She sighed placing everything back where it belonged.

As soon as she pulled up to the park, she spotted Kurt and Blaine; the twins were already running around. She held on to Wyatt's small hand as he waddled along her while Micah was held by Santana. Perry quickly found his friends and Hannah trailed alongside him.

"Where's the rest of the brood?" Blaine asked as he hugged her.

"I'm not sure, aren't they everyone?" Rachel joked. Jack on his part had a play date, if you could call it that at his age, while Cory had gone out with Haley and Matt was in hockey practice.

"How are you?" Blaine asked worriedly. They walked back to a bench; Rachel placed the sleeping baby in a stroller because Santana had joined in chasing the kids.

"You're not the first one to ask me." She huffed totting Wyatt.

"And yet, I feel the need to ask." Her friend gave her a sympathetic look.

"I'm fine, trying to keep myself occupied..."

"Is that working?"

"For the most part, until I don't have children to focus my attention on and then it hits me." She said, tears wailing up her eyes.

"He's going to be fine Rachel." Blaine's hand squeezed hers. Rachel knew there was nothing but honesty in her words, and yet, she wasn't sure if that was true anymore.

* * *

Chris held his breath as he followed the nurse trough the dark painted hallways. They had come to a stop at a metal door; he'd seen those before, in his time he'd done this a few times, he just never imagined it would be his son who laid there through the door. "Are you ready sir?" The small man asked softly. Chris nodded. He stepped inside the room as cold hit him, the cold of death. There was a black bag on top of the metal table. Chris felt sick to his stomach but tried to keep composure. He heard the zipper open, a million emotions and fears materializing in front of him, his son, his sweet boy, the boy he'd actually dragged to the army by his constant fear of failing, when Finn had done nothing but the opposite of what Chris had done during his career in the army, and yet Finn had made him proud, cleaning his name and reputation.

Chris walked away from the room, letting the air in his lungs hit him as he dialed the number. He ran his fingers through his hair. His wife answered on the other line after a moment. "It's not him Carole, it's not Finn." Chris whimpered, his voice leaving him as his legs gave out and he fell against the wall.

* * *

**So what do you think? Where's Finn? Next up: Puck is released from the hospital alongside Sam while Mike remains in critical condition and Rachel's hopes of Finn's return shatter even further when a white car pulls up her driveway.**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**Thank you so much for the follows, favs, etc guys! They mean the world to me! On to the story.**

**I don't own Glee! Thanks again!**

**Chapter 6:**

Rachel glanced at herself in the mirror. She couldn't believe this was happening, Noah and Sam were coming home. Two weeks had passed since that dreadful night she had gotten a phone call. Her day's light became dimmer as the time went by and she had to make decisions, decisions regarding Finn, herself And her children. Matt and Cory hurried by her side to support her with the little ones, while Jack remained neutral, as if he wanted to understand what had happened and yet couldn't grasp the idea of losing Finn. Her little girl would ask her about her daddy everyday and it broke her heart. And while the other 3 were too young to be aware of the tragedy around them, their behavior had been modified greatly.

She heard a knock on the door. Kurt and Blaine had arrived, they had arranged for Cory and Haley to babysit. While Rachel only took Micah with her.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Rachel asked her son, he grabbed the diaper bag and smile. "I got it."

"Okay, I'm not so far away in case you need me, I can come back right away..."

"Just go mom, I promise we'll be fine." Rachel closed her eyes as the feelings of Finn being the one reassuring her pressed down her heart.

"Come on diva." Kurt ushered her outside.

* * *

Rachel sat quietly on the side of the Puckerman living room, Quinn moved around to make sure every guest was well served and fed, this small gathering being the only thing causing her to keep herself busy. Puck wore crutches for his broken leg, his face was still bruised but otherwise remained unharmed. His mental state was a whole different matter as he'd told Quinn off for even thinking about gathering everyone when Finn and Mike weren't here.

"Rachel." A soft voice said, she looked to the side to spot Sam, who after the accident had been confined to a wheelchair.

"Oh hi Sam." Rachel held the baby to her chest. "How are you feeling?"

"As much as I can, feel I mean." Sam said grimly. It was meant to be a joke, she assumed that much. Sam had had a spine injury, which had left him paralyzed from the waist down. "Sorry, crappy joke."

"It's fine." She gave him a soft smile. "How's Mercedes holding up?"

"She's good, I think she worries and baby's me too much but, I don't know, I'm thinking about finally proposing uh, life's... Well I'm alive so I guess I owe her a wedding..."

"Sam, that's wonderful, she'll be ecstatic!"

"Yeah. I'm thinking about doing it back in LA, when we are finally home with our little girl holding on to the ring and I just do it." Sam offered her a smirk and she knew he was excited, and so was she, only she held her composure or else she'd beak and cry.

"And how are you?" Sam asked reaching for her hand. "I heard Chris had a call..." Rachel shivered at the thought of that, she remembered confronting her father in law about lying to her as Carole had come clean to Rachel about Chris's trip to Georgia. Even though she was relived it had not been Finn who they had found, she was no longer in speaking terms with him, even though Carole hack insisted he was just trying to protect her.

Her dads, who had insisted to come to New York and help her; she refused of course, she didn't want any more pity, she didn't want any more pain of thinking she was alone.

"Yes, I haven't heard anything since then." She admitted. "I'm..."

"He'll turn up Rach." Sam said. "I know Finn wouldn't just leave this world, without...you'll kill him yourself when he comes back."

If he comes back.

"I swear she's driving me crazy!" Puck groaned making his way to Rachel.

"She's just trying to help you Noah."

"I don't need help, I need to go look for Finn."

"Puck!"

"What woman?" He looked back to see Quinn glancing over at Rachel with a sympathetic smile. "Sorry." He said to Rachel. "I don't know what to tell you Berry. I mean I should be looking for him out there..."

"It's not your fault Noah." She said sincerely.

"It is. He's my brother. He should be here too."

And yet he wasn't.

* * *

"Talk about Pity party... Urgh, I just wish people would stop looking at me as if I had a deadly disease or something..." Rachel said.

"Oh honey, they are worried." Kurt smiled softly.

"And I'm not?!" She snapped back at him making Micah whimper in her arms. "It's Finn the one missing!"

"Rachel..." Santana called calmly.

"Oh hi Mrs. Hudson." Haley caught a glimpse of them at the door.

"Mom?"

"Had to come home, don't ask." Santana told him. Cory shared a look with Blaine and Kurt.

"Are the kids sleeping?" Blaine asked.

"Ah, they are watching a movie, I'll get them for you."

"That's alright, I think we should get going anyway." He smiled. And moved up the stairs.

"Daddy! Dad! Tyler and Stephanie came tumbling down the stairs, a moment later, the other kids in tow.

"Hey you two! Where you good?" Kurt picked up the little girl.

"Yes daddy." Stephanie said kissing Kurt's cheek. Rachel smiled at the scene. And her heart broke.

* * *

And so after Kurt and Blaine were gone, Rachel offered Santana a glass of wine, which she accepted gladly. Meanwhile Cory went to drop Haley off.

"So I've been thinking..." Rachel said playing with her glass. Santana frowned as she dunk it all down. "I want to move back to Ohio, when Finn comes back, I want to move back... Or if he doesn't I want to move back too."

"Ummm... You sure that's just one glass? What are you babbling about? You spent your whole life trying to get the hell out and now you want go back?"

"What else do I have Santana?"

"I don't know, kids, a business? And not to mention how is Finn meant to find you?" Rachel bit her lip.

A knock on the door startled both women. Rachel took a peek to spot a white car and her heart sank to her chest.

"Berry? What is it?"

"Rachel Hudson?" She moved on autopilot to answer the door. "Are you Lt. Finn Hudson's Wife?"

"What's it to you?" Santana asked suspiciously.

"Miss?"

"I am. Finn is my husband." her voice caught on her throat.

_Don't forget best friend, father of my children, soulmate and love of my life._

_The curtain went up in half an hour. She'd never forget the nervousness of every show she did. And how great it felt to be under the lights. She'd bought him a ticket to her show like she'd done always, even though he wasn't here._

_"3 minutes!" She heard say. She sighed, holding on to the picture in her hands. Finn and the boys smiled widely at her. Cory and Matt, her boys, 4 and 1. She'd managed to bounce back pretty fast to be in this production and she couldn't be prouder. Of Finn, of herself and her boys, siting in the front row with her dads. Finn who'd been deployed two months before wasn't meant to be home Until two more weeks._

_She remembered the applause, she cheering and the tears, Mostly from Kurt, she was sure, she had made her way to her dressing room._

_"Shining bright as ever." A voice said quietly behind her. A familiar voice, she had not jumped, and yet it was hard for her to turn around just in case it wasn't true. She heard movement behind her. A pair of lips on her neck._

_"Finn..." And so she finally turned around, those Amber eyes meeting hers in a beat. She had began to cry as he hugged her, picking her up from the ground. "What are you doing here?" She said after they broke apart._

_"I'd told you, I'll always come back babe. I love you."_

* * *

"I am so sorry ma'm I wish we had more information at the time but... All I can tell you is...we have not recovered of heard from lt. Hudson in more than two weeks..."

She heard it. They were giving up, expenses and resources.

Finn was not coming back. She had to accept it. She was alone.

* * *

**Oh man! Okay so I don't know what's gonna happen but... Okay I do but hope it's the last thing that's lost, right? Will Rachel move back to Lima? And what about Mike? Stay tuned!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**Thank you so much for the follows, favs, and etc guys! They mean the world to me! **

**On to the story. Just a side note, this is sad! I had tears in my eyes! And yet, well they haven't found a body so hope it's what dies last, okay? Enjoy!**

**I don't own Glee! Cory I'm thinking a lot about you today :)**

**Thanks again!**

**Chapter 7:**

Rachel let out a sharp breath as she heard the tires of the plane come to a stop. She was finally home, back in Lima, back to where she had tried to run away from in the first place almost 20 years before.

"Miss?" A voice called her attention. She asked if she'd be kind enough to get off the plane last due, well to her big brood. She of course didn't care. She was not really in the mood to care about anything really.

"Isn't that ragic mommy?" Hannah asked curiously.

"You mean racist?" Jack corrected her. "It's not Han... I don't think it is..."

"Yeah she just doesn't want Jack to be crushed by the people passing by." Matt let out earning a glare from his smaller brother.

Rachel turned around to see her children. Jack and the babies remained quiet as did Cory who held Wyatt on his lap." Sorry..." Matt said quietly.

Rachel sighed, she honestly wasn't mad; she was just, well stressed out.

If you counted the hours on the air with her seven children, all by herself since neither of her friends had been able to fly in at the same time, not even Carole who had moved earth and sky to help her.

"Let's go guys, remember to hold hands okay?" She held on to baby Micah as the kids followed suit behind her. She remembered not coming home often, the last time they had, Rachel had been here to see Leroy who had had a health scare, that had been around last Christmas, although yeah, Finn had had been here, his way of managing the brood was gentle and firm at the same time, she took it as a gift from being in the Army for so long

"Do you see them?" Jack asked Matt who was searching for their grandparents.

"No. Are you sure they knew we were landing?"

"Yes..." Rachel said searching for her phone in the diaper bag.

"There they are mom!" Cory called, Rachel sighed relieved her fathers were here.

"Sweetheart..." There was an extra melodic tone in her papa's voice, she made a note to ignore it as they somehow managed to gather all their belongings and made their way to Leroy's van.

Rachel and her dad's strapped the babies and Hannah to the car seats while the boys helped get the bags inside. The ride home was quiet, the kids feared to get Rachel raddled up and her fathers didn't want to upset her even further.

"I made sure they were enough blankets and pillows on the down room." Leroy said kindly as they arrived. Her fathers had made the basement an enormous guest room for whenever they had visitors, while Hannah and Perry stayed over at the guest room; Rachel took the two babies to her room.

"Anyone hungry?" Hiram asked. "Grandpa and I just went to get provisions for us all ... I could make up something good really fast..."

"Thank you daddy," Rachel smiled. "I'm not really hungry but I'm sure the kids would love to."

"Hmm... Yeah I could do pasta" Cory smiled. "Want some help?"

"Of course, everyone is invited to help and make this even faster." Hiram smiled. With everyone on their business, she was thankful her dads were able to get the kid's mind off everything for a while, and she was sure both of them appreciated having children to fill the house with again.

"I'm going to put the baby to bed. I'll be back soon." Rachel said retrieving to her room. Wyatt who was in his granddad's arms gave her a weary look but was quickly distracted by his brother. Rachel took 3 month old baby Micah and locked herself in the room.

Her childhood room had changed little since she had gone to the city, except for the added furniture for her children. Rachel sat on the bed for a moment, engulfing on the fact to where she was and what she was to do here tomorrow, until Micah made it his mission to call her attention by holding on to her Finn necklace. _Finn._

"Hey baby, are you hungry?" She said sweetly. "Let's see here..." She had not breast fed her most of her children, she had really wanted to but her body had not allowed her, so instead she pulled out an already prepared bottle from the diaper bag and fed Micah who hadn't let go of her small golden necklace even so in his young age.

"You sure she won't come and eat something? I'm really worried." Hiram asked Cory as they set the table.

"Its fine grandpa, she ate on the plane."

"Oh, well she could use more food down her small frame..."

Cory smiled. Rachel had not ever been fat or a big eater but the stress of the last month had really taken a toll on her health, much to everyone's dismay.

"She's just.. Not herself these days..." Cory said slowly.

"Understandable, but even so I worry what about you? It can't be good for you either... It's a lot of pressure for a young boy."

"It's okay, I do okay, I asked my doctor to give me some pills in case I'm in trouble, there hasn't been any."

"I'm glad, but even so, it can't be easy..."

"It's not..." Cory admitted sadly putting down the last plate, his face down in defeat. "I just worry about her you know? I just don't know if she'll be able to.." Hiram could see Cory's eyes water.

"To what, my boy?"

"Be Rachel without Finn, mom without dad."

Rachel made it out of her room an hour or so later to find her children at the table with her dads.

"Sweetie, did you need something? We've got plenty of food..." She moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"It's yummy mommy!" Perry smiled.

"I'm sure it is baby." She said sweetly joining them on the table and yet she had not eaten.

"Nothing like dad's Mac and cheese but still..." Hiram and Leroy shared a look on the comment and then glanced at their daughter. "Sorry grandpa…"

"It's alright Jack, I'm sure they're just as good." Leroy said.

"Better even..." His granddad added in.

Everyone went back to their diner at once. Even Hannah and Perry who had once made a bit of small talk to their grandparents were quiet.

"So... who wants dessert?" Leroy said. The children all raised their hands.

"Dad, I don't think it's a good idea, it's been a long day and we should all just go to bed..." Rachel filed her ears with sounds of disappointment. And yet she had nor the will nor the energy to argue. "Fine..."

"Seven portions of rocky road coming right up!"

After her usual night rounds, Rachel made her way to her bedroom, for once she discarded her night ritual and only opted for a pair of shorts and one of Finn's McKinley old shirts. Imagine her surprise at realizing she was not alone in bed. Hannah and Perry had come to join her while she was getting ready. She wasn't a stranger to night visits from her kids, especially in the last few weeks. Rachel moved both children to her side as she settled on Finn's. Call her crazy but she swore she could somehow smell his cologne. Driven by exhaustion and expectation for the next day, she finally drifted to sleep, stains of tears in her eyes.

"Rachel... We have to go sweet-pie.." Her daddy's voice made Rachel look up, her tear stained face had already ruined her makeup. And she had not even left the house.

"I...I thought I'd ask Mercedes to sing this at the service..." She said pulling up some music sheets, they both really liked that song..." Her daddy walked closer, placing a hand in her own.

"Of course."

"I... I left Micah sleeping..." She suddenly burbled out.

"It's fine Rachela. He's already in the car. Everyone is, it's just you..." He walked closer to his child's bed.

"Daddy... I can... Can't do this... I'm not... I can't say goodbye..."

"Baby of mine. You have to..." Her daddy brushed her hair. "It can take you all the time you need but eventually, you will have to."

"To What am I supposed to say goodbye to? I have nothing to say...nothing to touch, he isn't here and I didn't get to say goodbye..." And she broke. she finally broke, four weeks of bottled up emotions and strength for the sake of her children came tumbling down like a ton of bricks. She was alone and she had to say goodbye.

The room was crowded. Crowded of strangers and familiar faces. Rachel wore a hat as she hid her face behind glasses. Her children walked beside her quietly, her fathers, not so far behind.

Rachel spotted Chris and Carole on the far end of the room, with Finn's aunt and uncle, Kurt and his dad Burt and Santana with her parents. Carole held on to her hand as she walked by to take a seat.

She doesn't register a lot after that, she knows Mercedes is there with Sam and little Jennifer. Blaine and Kurt and their children, Brittany later joins Santana. Quinn And puck stand there with their boys, while her mother and Beth whose a baby no more, hugs her. Artie and a few other people they knew from school and glee are also there, she searches for Tina who is still in New York as Mike still can't travel but was told he'd make it. She had however received flowers from them both. A few other men and women stand there too and she's aware they are part of his life in the army as well.

"Hey pixie girl." Noah wrapped his arms around her tenderly. He placed a kiss on her cheek. After Noah, everyone seemed to come up to her, hug her and tell her she wasn't alone.

They talked about Finn and what a wonderful guy he was. More people than she could count said this as if they were reciting it. It bothered her but she didn't make it noticeable.

Then he saw him. Her old Glee club teacher, the reason she'd found Finn in the first place, Will Shuester, his wife Emma. Will offered her a sweet smile from the far end of the room. And he was the first person she willingly walked up to.

"Hey ,Mr. Shue." Her voice was calm and yet sounded shattered.

"Rachel... Look at you. It's been a while."Her teacher smiled.

"Too much of a while." She agreed. They both looked back at her children, they all sat with Santana and Kurt. "I'm sorry we had not come sooner, you could have seen Finn.. " his mane caught In her throat.

"Shhh, its fine." He said offering his arms to a hug, she melted against his embrace. "I understand, it will be okay..."

She cleaned her eyes looking up at him. "I don't really think that's possible."

"Rachel?" A voice said behind them. It was Santana. "Come on, we should go sit down now."

"Go."Mr. Shue smiled brushing her arm tenderly. Rachel bowed her head and followed Santana, sitting next to Chris and Carole, she handed her baby Wyatt who at the tender age of 16 months had the sweeter gestures, he held on to her face, noticing the tears stains he brushed his fingers there and leaned to kiss her nose which made Rachel smile. She didn't dare to look to the front, were the ceremony was taking place. Instead she focused on her children, Hannah had broken into tears and Matt and Jack were comforting her even though they were in tears themselves. Cory was unusually quiet as he sat next to Quinn and Puck. While Perry was resting in Carole's lap, asking her questions which the woman tried to answer calmly as Rachel knew her heart broke inside. Her baby boy, Micah had stayed behind with her dads and slept. If only she could sleep through the whole thing.

Funny thing about funerals without the person who has passed away, you feel the emptiness even so more because it's impossible for you to get the chance to say goodbye. A closed coffin which go to the ground, empty. A couple pictures of a young Finn with Chris and Carole. Their first trophy for Glee, their young faces smiled proudly. Also there, a picture of the Hudson clan. This was a bit different; Finn laid on the ground looking up as he took a selfie of his ever growing family. Family and friends stood on the last picture at thanksgiving while, Mike, Puck and Sam and the rest of the unit all gathered around Finn in the one at the far end.

Every child eventually placed a rose on top of the coffin and a military ceremony took place as well. Rachel held on to the flag with shaky hands as Cory took one and squeezed.

"Your husband was a very brave man and we owe him a great deal of our lives, I am sorry he couldn't be returned to you." A senior soldier knelt in front of Rachel as she cried. She cried over the face she'd never get to see again or the voice she'd never hear. Rachel looked up just in time to see Chris shake the man's hand. He then turned to her. She was pissed at him. He really was, he'd been the one to ruin his career and become ashamed of himself while Finn paid the price of trying to clean up his name. And yet in that moment, she just saw herself mirrored in Chris's grief and pain. So she hugged him.

By the time the service was over they decided to move on to the Hudson residence in Lima which had not been Finn's childhood home but it had been his home when he was a teenager since his father had owned the restaurant. His childhood home however had remained intact, which Finn had inherited but he was in the process of remodeling. Another thing he'd never finish.

"Hey." Cory was found upstairs by Noah who'd had sneaked away from the people. "What are you doing here?" Puck joined him on the bed where Cory held on to a small drum set kit which fitted in his hand.

"I don't know, hiding I guess."

"Me too. Sad people only want to feed you..." Puck said lightly. Cory smiled. "So I heard the general saying they're going to do all they can to bring your dad home."

"That's what they said weeks ago." Cory said dryly.

"Yes well, now they know where to look and what to, expect."

"A body?" He said standing up and looking around Finn's old room. "Yeah that should bring my mom comfort for sure."

"Look baby Huddy I know you're hurt, I am too, I'm pissed. I feel like it should have been me, who should have died out there, I wish I had."

"You you don't mean that." Cory put in. "I'm glad you're here uncle Puck, and so is Quinn and the boys."

"What are you guys doing up here?" Came Rachel's small voice. Cory froze on the spot. "Honey, please come and help downstairs."

Sure. I'll be right there." Cory said quietly placing the small toy back where it belonged. He said goodbye to Puck as he walked passed his mother whose eyes laid on Noah.

"How you doing Berry?" He asked standing up, his leg cast had come off just the week before so his leg was still not strong enough but he was quickly regaining strength.

"I'm fine." She wrapped he arms around her body as she entered the room. Her eyes landed on a picture of her and Finn that had been taken on the choir room on their senior year.

"A lot happened that year." Puck commented.

"Yes it did."

"I almost got married and got dumped on the same day." She said bitterly. "and somehow I always knew, that he'd never really not be a part of my life you know?"

"Yeah and then you and him got it on... at Shue's wedding." Puck winked.

_She remembered opening the door and finding him there. In New York. His body and face were hard. Like he was mad at her and yet, the glint of worry rested in his eyes._

_"Is it true?" Were the first words to leave his mouth. Finn, his ever now 19 year old self seemed more like a man than the boy she'd left back on the train and yet at the wedding. The boy who was meant to be in Georgia, Was in New York._

_"Finn" Finn looked down at her stomach. She wasn't showing much just yet._

_"Puck told me." She froze."Tell me the truth you owe me that much." He begged._

_" I..." Yes well she did left him at the crack of dawn without saying much of a goodbye or a thank you. "How did Puck find out?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

_"It does to me." She answered shakily. Finn looked down at her belly, not so prominent yet._

_"Is it mine?" There was a bit of concern in his voice. After all, she had cheated on Brody._

_"Yes." Rachel's voice broke. She began to lose vision from her tears. Then she felt his strong arms around her."It's going to be fine Rach, we'll make it through this, I promise."_

_"We?" She asked after a moment. "Finn, you don't have to..." He pulled away from her. His eyes showed hurt. "I can't ask you for anything..."_

_"I'm not just walking away from this Rachel, I won't let you push me away either." He nervously brushed his hair. "I mean I know we are not together or anything right now but, we can try." He smiled at her and she felt light headed._

_"How do you suppose we do that, with you in Georgia and me in New York?"_

_"I don't know, but I promise you, this will work out Rachel. Because I love you." He inched closer to her, his kiss was sweet and yet full of love. "And I love our baby." She felt him bush her tummy with his finger. And she was sure somehow it would work._

The evening died down. And Rachel felt relieved as soon as she closed the door behind the last guest, only to be left with her dads, Kurt and Blaine, Burt Hummel, Santana, Puck, Quinn, and Shelby.

"I guess we should be leaving as well." Shelby told Beth. "I'll be staying for a couple days, so you call me if you need anything okay?" Rachel nodded, hugging her mother and Beth.

"I can baby sit if you want, you name it." She added in.

"Thank you sweetie, I'll keep that in mind."

"See you in New York?" Her sister asked. Rachel sighed.

"See you in New York." Beth said goodbye to Puck and Quinn, and followed Shelby out.

"She looks just like you Q." Puck said as soon as Rachel closed the door. All in all, Quinn and Puck had been grateful to have a relationship with Beth. Who was just amazing.

"We should go too," Quinn said after a moment. "I'm just going to get the boys."

Once Liam and Jonah were downstairs. Quinn and Puck said their goodbyes."Call me tomorrow, okay?" Quinn said. "We'll go and have coffee or something, no kids."

"Sure." Rachel smiled.

"Take care Berry, I'll be seeing you."

"Goodbye Noah, stay out of trouble..." He winked at her.

"Bye Aunt Rachel." Jonah hugged her. "I'll continue to Pray for Uncle Finn..."

"Thank you sweetie, I will too ." Rachel instantly reached for her Finn necklace.

"Honey." By the time it was the moment to say goodbye to Carole, Rachel broke down, the woman who'd lost her child held on to her for dear life and Rachel couldn't imagine losing one of her children. "I want to tell you that you're not alone and we'll Always be here for you."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry he didn't come home."

"I'm sorry too." His mother admitted. Cleaning her eyes. "I'm sorry you'll have to go through this... But I'm right here if you need me. You changed my son's life Rachel and I love you so much for allowing me to be in yours."

"He changed mine."

"It's over isn't it?" Rachel asked Kurt and Santana.

"What is?" Kurt asked, they had returned home to her dad's and she now only remained with her two best friends.

"I don't know my life. My life with Finn. My life all and all." She assessed bitterly.

"Of course not honey, it's not. It's just different." Kurt said reaching for her hand.

"Yes, but it will never be better, I... He was it for me."

"Yes, we all knew that since you smooched each other at the auditorium." Santana said.

"How did you..."

"Frankenteen told me" Santana's smile widened as she clutched her glass, "he said it had happened when he was still dating Quinn. In his defense." Santana said noticing Rachel's expression. "He was hammered. He even said that had been his best kiss. And he had had me next." Rachel smiled. "He loved you so much Berry, that's the only thing that won't change."

**Oh man! This was super hard to write but I hope it was worth it! Don't forget, hope dies last! And thanks again for reading! As you can see, everything is cannon up to the middle of the fourth season. Please review if you can. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**A/N: okay guys! I'm here again! This chapter is very Finn heavy but you'll see in what way and will Rachel decide to move back home? Also I corrected jack's age to 8.  
On to it then! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8:**

Hospitals had always made Rachel anxious, she had had her children there and also almost lost Cory more than once there as well. So yeah she wasn't happy to be here again. Susan Solomon who had been treating Cory since birth examined the teen carefully asking him questions which would be too complicated for a child not familiar with a disease that landed him on here often.

"He's going to be fine Rachel." The woman smiled. The same reassuring smile she had offered her many times before. "It's just very common for Cory to experience this kind of crises..." Duh, like she didn't know what her child had gone trough.

"Yes I know, but Finn was always the one to..." She stopped on her words cold.

Wa_s. This was the first time she'd reffered to him this way outside of her head and to someone else._

"Rachel?"

* * *

_"Daddy?" A small voice said behind Finn. He pretended to be sleeping as he felt a small body against him. Rachel seemed to have already left the bed. "Daddy, are you up?"  
"Maybe..." Finn muttered pulling his pillow over his face._

_"Finn...would you mind helping me with Wyatt? I think he's got a fever..."_

_"Okay, okay now I'm up." Finn muttered. He spotted 5 year old Hannah to be the intruder on his bed._

_"Mama! Daddy's up!" She quipped._

_"Yeah, yeah..." Finn got out of bed dragging his feet as he made his way to the nursery. "Hey my little man. Are you sick?" Wyatt was not even a year old and that worried Rachel the most about him coming down with something as it was just a matter of time before the others got it._

_"Daddy, is the baby okay?" Hannah asked curiously looking inside the bars of the crib._

_"I don't know baby, I have to check, let's hope not." At that moment Wyatt sneezed. "Hand me the little thingy right there Han."_

_"You mean the termotermer?" She asked, she'd meant the thermometer._

_"Yes, that's the thing." She did what she was told, and Finn picked baby Wyatt in __his arms as he took the baby's temp. It was not alarming but not__ low, maybe he was just teething or something. "See mommy, nothing to worry about." Finn kissed the baby's cheek and made his way to the kitchen, his daughter trailing alongside him._

_"There you are! Could you sign Matt's permit?"  
_

_"Yeah, good morning to you too Rach." Finn said playfully putting the baby on the high chair._

_"Mama daddy wants a kiss!" Hannah smiled. Rachel frowned as Finn let out a chuckle.  
_

_"Daddy does, huh?"_

_"If you don't mind." Finn said brushing her cheek._

_"Of course I don't." She leaned to kiss him. "Good morning husband of mine."_

_"Good morning."_

_"Mom? Have you seen... Hi dad."_

_"Hey buddy." Finn smiled at his 12 year old son. "Morning."_

_"Not such good morning for Cory, he's still in bed." Matt let out._

_"Can I stay in bed too then?" Hannah inquired. Perry sat on his own high chair._

_"No you can't young lady, and wait what do you mean Cory's not up yet?" Finn asked worriedly._

_"I don't know. He won't open the door." "Where's Jack?"_

_"In here." Came a small voice from the bathroom. Finn sighed._

_"Okay, everyone, help mom with breakfast. I'll be back." Finn made his way down the downstairs hall where Cory's room was. "Buddy, you okay in there?" No response. "Cory?" Having been born with a heart defect, Finn and Rachel were in high alert every time Cory was sick. The door wasn't locked as it was a rule in the house, still there seemed to be something going on. Finn moved inside the room slowly. Cory?" His son was inside the bathroom, blood pouring down his nose._

_"I just woke up and it won't stop..." Cory's voice was quiet as he remained against the sink._

_"Okay, put your head back." Finn said calmly, being in the army and of course married to Rachel, his calm nature had come in handy more than once.  
"What's going on?" Came Rachel's voice as she peeked from the bathroom door._

_"It's nothing mom." Cory said swallowing a bit of blood which made him cough._

_"Oh yes, I can see that..." Rachel said, clearly not amused._

_"Alright buddy, I'm going to help you get to the bed okay?" Cory nodded. Finn guided him with the cloth on his nose. "Hold it right there. I'll be right back. " he left the room with Rachel following close behind._

_"How bad do you think it is?" She asked as he scrambled the medicine cabinet. Finn heard the panic in his wife's voice._

_"Not so bad Rach, now I need you to do me a favor okay?" He asked kindly. "I want you to continue to make breakfast."  
_

_"What?! Finn, I'm his mother..."_

_" I know that, but you don't have to be in control of everything, even though I know it drives you nuts..." She was about to speak when he lifted her chin."I'll take care of Cory." He assured her Holding on to her shoulders. "But the kids can't be late, so I need you to help me out." He was calm but firm. Rachel knew there was no use arguing, he wanted her out of there because she struggled to stay calm when it came to Cory. She made her way back to the kitchen as Finn made it back to the room._

_"Did she freak out?" Cory asked as soon as he came back.  
_

_"Not as bad, which is good." Finn said holding a needle between his teeth. Because of his time in the army Finn discovered he was quite gifted in tending to people, specially injured ones and had learned one or two tricks along the way."Alright buddy, this will only take a second." Cory closed his eyes, taking a deep breath._

* * *

The doctor who also happened to be very close to Finn took her hand. "Listen to me, I would never question your capacity to care for Cory. Nor have I ever done it, this crisis might be a little sensible due to, everything that's been going on, which is why I'm prescribing him so anticoagulants so if this happens again, it won't be as scary." Rachel buffed, but she knew dr. Solomon was right, this was just another nose bleed and as alarming as it might have been, she, Cory and the rest of the family had been trough worse. "But be sure to call me if needed." The older woman hugged Rachel as she moved to say goodbye to Cory

"Oh and Rachel?" She heard the woman say kindly. "You're doing just fine."

She drove home in silence, Cory was to tense and inmersed in his own thoughts to even ask her if she was alright, of course she wasn't. They had just returned from Lima the day before, after Finn's... Funeral, and things didn't seem easier even at home, Cory had woken up covered in blood, and Rachel had rushed him to the hospital on the spot, asking Kurt and Blaine to care for the other children.

"Oh thank goodness you're home!" Kurt smiled as soon as they made their way Inside the house. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is fine." Cory smiled, his covered of blood clothing told otherwise though. "The Doctor said it had happened because of stress." Kurt smiled as the two of them continued to talk, it was no lie the kid that been under a lot of pressure lately, and his body manifested it's discomfort, which made Rachel worry about just one more thing.

* * *

She couldn't believe she was even considering leaving New York, the place she and Finn had made a home at. But being back in Lima had offered her some perspective to where she stood. So she sat her children down and explained the situation, their faces told her all she needed to know, even though eventually she'd do what she had to.  
It was the same afternoon after she'd taken Cory to the hospital.

"You're not serious, are you mom?" Matt asked.

"I'm afraid this is very serous Matt, I've been giving this a lot of thought."

"We can't move! We can't go to Lima, everyone we know lives here, grandpa and grandma..."

"Your grandad and grandpa are in Lima."

"Yeah but uncle Kurt and aunt Santana aren't."

"Matty, I'm just trying to do my best in taking care of my family, this is not a hasty decision, it's one I can't nor I will take lightly. But I do hope you understand I'm trying my best here."

"You're not doing a very good job," Matt snapped, the look on Rachel's face mirrored how she felt in the inside. Matt froze on the spot. "I..." Rachel took a deep breath as she played with her Finn necklace.

"I'm not your dad!" Rachel let out, tears steamed down her face. "I know that, and believe it or not I'd give anything to return him to you, but... I can't."

"Mom, don't cry. I didn't mean it..." Rachel faced her children, she sat on the coffee table facing her four eldest ones.

"Of course you did. Lets be honest, You're angry, but not really at me, that much I know." She said with a smile.

"Are we really moving mommy?" Hannah asked. It took the little girl a moment to speak again. "Will daddy still watch over us if we leave?" The simplicity of the question, yet the depth and seriousness in her child's eyes made Rachel's heart ache.  
Rachel moved in between her children on the couch, placing Hannah on her lap, she tried her best to stay calm.

"Of course daddy will always be with us baby, he loves all of us so much." She felt her voice crack as she took jack's hand in hers and kissed it sweetly, her son's eyes glistened with tears.

"I will move if that makes you happy mom." The 8 year old said with a kind smile.

"Me too mommy." Her little girl added. "I'll talk to daddy and tell him where we're going so he doesn't worry." Rachel smiled at them as she said that was a great idea. She then turned to her eldest boys. Cory said he'd respect her decision while he remained uneasy about medical care, and Rachel assured him they'd do monthly visits as she still had a business to run here as well.

"Matt?"

"Does it have to be right now? I don't really want to leave the house so fast." He said a bit calmer. "I just feel like, like we're leaving dad behind..."  
"Baby..."

"Maybe we could stay until Christmas? It will be easier for everyone if we don't leave school right away, it just started..." Rachel weighted Cory's words for a moment. Was she doing this a bit too fast? What was it that she wanted out of this? Of being without Finn? Or Maybe she wanted a chance to learn to be without him? Or she was simplyrunning away?

* * *

**So still no sign of Finn! I miss him! Is Rachel making the right decision of wanting to move? Or is she just desperate to make a better life for her children?  
And a shed of light gives Rachel a bit of hope. Is Finn really gone forever?  
Thank you for reading guys! Everyone has been so awesome! Don't worry we'll have more Finn soon, I did say hope wasn't lost yet...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Let the light guide you trough**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. They boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then the she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**A/N: okay guys! I'm here again! This chapter is took me a long time to cook up as I didn't know how it would turn out! I hope you like it.  
**

**I DON'T OWN GLEE! or the song by Teddy Geiger used here! **

**Chapter 9: **

The package arrived on a cold October afternoon as Rachel made her way home from running errands. It just sat there, enormous and alone in her living room. It had been a couple hours since the kids had arrived from school but it seemed no one had made an effort to look inside.

soon she would understand why. It was a package from Finn, sent exactly two months before his disappearance. With shaky hands Rachel moved the tape away to uncover the lid. Jack examined it with her. "What is it mom?" He asked.

"I'm not sure." She admitted sitting on the ground and beginning to take everything out of the box. Jack helped her pulling everything out with her carefully. First came a package of letters. Each with one child's name on it. And Rachel's.

"Oh God." She remembered having to call Kurt because it was too much for her to take. Finn had taken the time to make this package for them, presents for each child's birthday he'd missed and his anniversary to Rachel.

"What does all of this even mean Kurt?" She asked exasperated She'd been slowly trying to put herself back up for the sake of her kids for so long now, for so long after the funeral which had been so hard on her, and somehow she could not let herself go."Did he know he, wasn't going to come back?" Her best friend stared at her in utter hopelessness. He wasn't sure why Finn had sent this and why it had arrived until now, he must have known something might go wrong.

Well of course he was being careful, he was in the midst of a war. Nothing turned out as it was expected. Puck and Quinn for example tried to pick up the pieces as he was given indefinite leave. Sam and Mercedes had went on to plan their wedding, one Sam cursed because it was clear he would not be able to dance at his own wedding, when he'd told Santana this she scolded him and told him Finn would not be there to be his best man so he better just shut his pie hole. As for Mike, recovery had come slower and more painful and yet he had remembered having Finn say he'd plan a surprise for Rachel and the kids and he hoped it would arrive the same time he would.

Sadly, only one of two things had arrived at Rachel's doorstep and it killed her.

"Honey, well he was in the middle of a war, none of us know what happened out there, I'm just guessing he was being careful , in case something did happen."

"Something did happen Kurt. He died," Rachel said dryly curling into her bed as she stared at the box and battle whether to tell her children about it or not.

* * *

When Jack beat her to it, she figured it was best to get it over it like band aid and take it off quickly rather than make any more miserable, so she sat her children down around the living room and handed them each an envelope. Matt took his with a weary manner. He knew what this meant. "This is it huh? He really is dead."

"Matt..." Hannah pleaded. She was still not used to hearing her daddy was in heaven so literally. "Don't say that!"

"Why? It's the truth... and now we're supposed to sit here and accept his stupid gifts? Well I don't want them..."

"Matty... I know we're all still in pain..."

"So this is meant to help?" He asked. Rachel stared at him for a moment as the teen sighed. Out of all of her children, Matt was the most outspoken and cold in a matter of her children, he was like that because he had experienced Finn leaving him more time than his siblings, as for Cory, he just tried to help Rachel the most so emotion wouldn't get the best of him.

"Okay well, all of us are entitled to be mad in anyway we want, so if you don't want to be here, you don't have to be." Rachel said as she totted Wyatt in her arms.

"Daddy.." the little boy said tracing his hands over Finn's handwriting on the box. Cory gave his brother a pleading look but Matt threw his envelope to the side and slammed the door to his room on his way up the stairs, making Rachel flinch as she tried to battle the tears coming from her eyes.

* * *

Rachel watched as each child received a present from Finn, whether or not it had been their birthday. Cory got his dad's old drumsticks to go with his set, Rachel cleaned her eyes as the memories of Finn playing back in school flooded her. He had also gotten Finn's own drum set which had rested in the attic for more than six months now, but the teen refused to touch them and instead was happy with just the sticks. Matt had gotten a new hockey Jersey by one of his favorite teams, the Vancouver Canucks, one present that she and Finn had been saving to give him for a while now. She figured it had been super special because on top of his special team jersey, he got one with the team colors with M. Hudson engraved in the back. Truth be told, Rachel was sure Finn had gotten the jersey before being moved overseas and had not told her about it.

Jack was the easiest one of all as he happily accepted personalized tags, a few coloring materials as he was sure he'd be the next big shot illustrator for either one of the big comics company, his son was a true artist and his drawings mostly expressed what he was feeling. "Paint beautiful memories buddy, love dad." was written on his drawing pad. Hannah was the tomboy of the family much to Rachel's dismay as she was the only girl, but her present wasn't any less special, she had such a wild imagination that she'd told Finn she wanted to be a writer, even though at her young age she was yet to be an expert so instead of that, Finn had gotten her a couple books and a special recorder for her to tell her stories to herself and then share it to others. The babies present's were a bit different, Perry was a ball of energy so he got tags with his name on them as well as a military cap and some candy, while the babies got regular baby stuff plus a message engraved golden bands , in fact, each of them had received a singular form of those golden bands from their dad.

When she reached the point of a small jewelry box with her name on it, she took a deep breath as she opened it. "For my partner in more ways than one, the love of my life. I hope this makes you smile." It read. The beautiful necklace was shining in all it's force when she took it out.

The last piece of the package had a notice. _For mommy's eyes only. _

_Hey Rach, sorry I left this for last, even though it's not less important. I just hope you like it and, happy anniversary babe. I can't believe we've made it this far. _

_love forever Finn_

She held on to the note as she pressed play on her computer.

A familiar tune began to sound on the background and she couldn't help but smile as she saw Finn with a wide smile on his face looking back at her. He held on to a guitar as Puck sat next to him equally excited but mumbling something about how he owed him one.

FINN:

**_I'm just an ordinary man,_**  
**_Just trying to do the best I can._**  
**_(And there I'm faces in the sand?)_**  
**_Just trying to find out where I stand,_**  
**_Where I stand._**

**_I skipped my heart across the sea,_**  
**_And let them water set me free,_**  
**_Give me a reason to believe,_**  
**_(To rescue these forgotten dreams?)_**

**_I've always been afraid to change,_**  
**_I don't want to make the same mistake,_**  
**_When you lose it all,_**  
**_You find yourself the strength to start again,_**  
**_To start again._**

**_I'm just an ordinary man,_**  
**_You saw the beauty in my hands,_**  
**_In time we'll learn to love again,_**  
**_it's been so hard to understand._**

**_I've always been afraid to fall,_**  
**_That's the only way to change my life,_**  
**_When you lose it all,_**  
**_You find yourself the strength to start again._**  
beat  
**_How many times can I walk away?_**  
**_I finally said what I need to say,_**  
**_Nothing to lose and almost everything to gain,_**  
**_I open my eyes to another day,_**  
**_I'm learning to see in a different way,_**  
**_I know in the end that love will always find a way,_**

**_I've always been afraid to fall,_**  
**_I've always been afraid to say it all,_**  
**_Cause when you lose you lose it all,_**  
**_With nothing left to say,_**  
**_When you lose it all,_**  
**_You're love will find a way,_**  
**_When you lose it all,_**  
**_You find yourself the strength to start again,_**  
**_Start again._**

As the music died down, the tears on her eyes became too much to bear. "Oh Finn..." She traced her fingers across the screen and onto his face as she smiled. "I love you so much, I promise to you I will be strong..." She cried as her own voice echoed in her heart.

The sound of her phone startled her, she cleaned her eyes and tried her best to compose herself. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Hudson?" A female voice said. Rachel held her breath as she, for some reason stared back at Finn on the screen.

"Yes, this, this is she..."

"My dear, I believe I have some news for you. We might have found your husband."

"I'm... have you..." She didn't even recognized herself when she asked if they had finally found his body.

"No, I... He's here in the hospital...I'm sorry it took us so long to..."

She dropped the phone as a sharp breath left her. Finn was alive.

* * *

**Crappy ending I know! Sorry but yay! News on Finn again! and by the looks of it, he's alive! can we sigh in relief? But what in the world happened?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Let the light guide you through**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. The boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**A/N: okay guys! Sorry for the long waiting on the update as I know you are all so excited for this chapter! I just had a pretty heavy week, let's just say everything happened! And also this is my last update before I start school again , so updates may not come as often... maybe weekends. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and just remember this is a pretty much character driven so sorry if some details about Finn's disappearance are a bit vague.**

**I DON'T OWN GLEE!**

**Chapter 10:**

Rachel couldn't breathe as she boarded the plane to Germany, Carole and Blaine at her side. Chris was there as well, but he remained far behind them as they had switched places when Rachel began crying uncontrollably. To say she was a complete wreck was an understatement, even after years of being an army wife, nothing had prepared her for the emotional and mental turmoil that having to lose Finn only to not knowing how it was possible he was alive caused her. Carole, although empowered and emotional herself when she called Rachel a few minutes after receiving the news herself, held her hand. And yes, Blaine. She and Blaine were partners, so in order to avoid telling her children all she knew, because of the outcome, well, she knew they'd be mad at her and yet, she didn't care, had dragged Blaine along, afraid of what she might find upon her arrival at the hospital.

"Rachel?" She felt a hand shake her. "Honey? We are here."

* * *

_It had been so long since he had been deployed that she was used to having him home, for him to go work at his dad's restaurant and be home in time to help the kids with their homework at night, then she had gotten that call and he'd been forced to explain they needed him and his unit for a few months, hell, she hated that he had to go, she hated that even though Finn had always been such a gentle soul, the Army transformed him into some kind of duty driven machine, and yes, don't get her wrong, she is been in this position before, and so have her children, so it's not like they don't know the drill. _

_"Make sure you help your mom buddy, okay? she is really going to need you." Finn held their fifteen year old son close as the boy smiled softly, he was already more than used to, to saying goodbye and making promises, he'd keep until his dad came back. _

_"Matt?" Her so suborn child would not look at Finn, not even when he raised his chin up with his index finger. "I have to go now buddy." _

_"Then go. I don't care." the coldness in Matt's voice made Rachel instantly look up at Finn who smiled softly at her and then focused his attention on the other kids, he picked Jack and Hannah up skillfully as he hugged them both. _

_"Promise you'll come back dad, promise you will." Jack said against his neck. "You have to." _

_"Of course I have to, I don't think mommy would let me stay there long." Finn touched Jack's nose softly. "She'll come and drag me home herself." Jack looked back at Rachel who stood up with Perry in her arms while Wyatt slept in the stroller. Her other hand in her belly. _

_"Daddy, don't go, can someone else go?" Hannah asked sniffing, holding on to Finn as he placed Jack down at his sole attention was in his only daughter. Needless to say Finn's relationship with the five year old was a close one, as she had been the only girl and by the means of it, her birth had implied an equal amount of heartbreak and joy for her parents as they had lost her twin sister in the process. _

_"Baby, now that wouldn't be fair right? They asked me to go because I am good at what I do, and who'd take care of Uncle Puck if I don't go? ." He smiled as he kissed her head softly and she giggled ."You just help mommy with the babies okay? Can you do that for me?" _

_"Will you be here before the baby comes?" _

_"I hope so baby. I really hope so." He held on to her for a few more moments until Puck called his attention. _

_It was time to go. _

_"It's time again, to do this huh?" _

_"It is babe." He said as he wrapped his arms around Rachel and kissed her lips deeply. Squeezing Perry in the middle. "It's just another job right?" _

_"Just another job." She agreed as she traced her fingers on his chin. "And you are one hell of a Lt. Hudson." _

_"That I am Miss." Finn said. "just as you are a Broadway badass." Rachel fought the tears as he kissed Perry and Wyatt goodbye. _

_"Daddy." Perry smiled as Cory picked him up. "Daddy goes home." _

_"Soon bud, I promise." Finn kissed Rachel again as he leaned down to kiss her tummy. "I promise I'll be home soon." _

_"You better come back Hudson, or I will kill you." _

_"Better you than the war huh?" He half smirked. She glared at him as he kissed her once more before looking back at his family as they waved goodbye. He joined Puck on their walk to the aircraft. _

_Suddenly Finn saw Matt break into a smile and give him a thumbs up as he muttered goodbye._

* * *

"It just this way." A doctor with a thick accent said. Rachel walked as in autopilot. Carole walked beside her.

"You alright sweetie?" Her mother in law said. "Deep breaths." Rachel nodded.

"I am sorry but for now I can only allow one person to come in as I need to explain the predicament of the situation..."

"What predicament? What's wrong?" Chris asked a bit too harshly.

"Just give me a moment, I need someone to come and ID the patient first.

"You mean you're not sure if that's my kid in there?" Chris snapped.

"Chris.." Carole whispered.

"No, I want him to tell me... Is Finn in there or not?!"

* * *

Carole insisted she went in first, she held on to Micah, her young baby who had somehow managed to survive the long flight without much trouble, the perks of him being the seventh baby.

"Here we go baby, let's go see daddy." She walked in. only to be faced with her husband, something she never thought would be possible after that August night. "Oh God, Finn..."

He had not opened his eyes but he was there and he was alive, Carole suddenly walked behind her to enter the room as she held on her hands on her mouth and looked at her son, so fragile in a hospital bed, his head was surrounded by a bloody bandage and his face was scrapped and bruised but his body in plain sight seemed intact.

"That's Finn, that's my son." Chris told the doctor as he was waiting to make a positive ID on the soldier they had brought only a few weeks before. Blaine stood there next to Rachel as his eyes filled with tears.

"Do you know what happened to him?" Blaine asked as he pulled a chair so Carole and Rachel could sit.

"Not much is known, sorry, he was brought here after being ID as an American soldier, not much was known about him except he had been involved in a bombing of a Humvee, which killed everyone else." Blaine nodded.

"Actually, some people in his unit made it, we really don't know what happened to him after that." Blaine explained.

"I have not been told much, there was a recall mission near the village where he was found, his wounds were extensive and nearly deathly but they seemed to have been treated for a while. Maybe by the people who rescued him, we'll know more when he wakes up."

"Has he regained consciousness?" Chris asked.

"Barely, only to tell us his name, that's how we knew who to tell since he'd been stripped of all of his uniform. His mental capacities seem intact as to tell us his name, but it not clear how much damage his body has sustained. "

Rachel held on to Micah as her hand brushed Finn's warmer one. The little boy remained close to Rachel's body but it was clear he wanted to make up what was happening. "Daddy's going to be okay baby, don't you worry, he will..." Rachel rocked her child as her eyes fell on Finn's face.

He had to. She was not ready to lose him again.

* * *

**sooo? Not sure this turned out the way I wanted it to, but I still hope it was good. There was a reason Rachel only brought Micah along, since he had not met his daddy! What will happen and how about the rest of the clan? Thank you so much for reading! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Let the light guide you through**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. The boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**A/N: I have no excuse for neglecting my stories, except this last month has been quite the change for me, I do hope you forgive me, and also I hate to be like that but I really had not felt inspired to write more as Finn returning didn't cause the impact I was waiting for, anyways, I had great ideas for this but I might as well finish the story in the next chapter or so. **

**I DON'T OWN GLEE!**

**I do hope you enjoy! **

**Chapter 11: **

He'd remember those eyes anywhere anytime. He'd fallen in love with those eyes since he was a teenager. Those eyes had driven him to her in Wemma's failed wedding and so unchained a series of crazy events in his life.

"Finn?" Her hand was holding on to his as if he'd slip away from her at any second. "Baby, oh Finn can you hear me?" He heard a small whimper, he recognized a small bundle in her arms.

"Rach..." His voice was raspy. He had feared never been able to speak her name again. He thought he'd never do it again when he was over there. "We... we were hit... everyone.. I did not find them..." His head was spining as waking up next to her had been wonderful, it had also triggered the most horrifying memories of the day the unit had lost so many.

"Finn?" Her voice was cracking. "Finn, listen to me, you are safe baby, you are safe. You are in the hospital..."

* * *

"Would you tell me what's wrong?" Cory said leaning against the kitchen counter as he watched Santana and Kurt attempt to make dinner for the brood of children under one roof. The Anderson twins thrown in the mix.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I know mom and uncle Blaine didn't go to Germany to make a deal with a producer..."

"How do you know about Germany?" Kurt said rather quickly earning a nudge from Santana. "Ow!"

"Shut up!"

"So they did go to Germany?" Oh man the kid was smart. "Is there where my grandpa and grandma went?"

"I don't know what you think you know mini Lurch but..."

"Did they found my dad?" there was pain and a glimpse of... hope in Cory's voice. "He did die over there didn't he?"

"Cory..." Kurt sighed. He looked over at Santana and both of them made their way away from the kitchen, but still close enough to listen to the other children. "We don't know much, your mom didn't tell us anything other than, well she and Carole had gotten a call concerning your dad..."

"That's all we know" Santana cut him off. "She said she'd call if she had news and I expect her to do so or I will kill her, but until we do, I suggest you keep your mouth shut. I don't want any of the little ones to know anything."

"Understood."

* * *

"So, you are Micah huh?" Finn said as he sat up against the pillows holding his young son close. "I've been waiting for a long time to meet you buddy." Rachel sat there next to his husband as he totted his young son. The panic attack seemed to be long forgotten as soon as he had laid eyes on Micah, but the doctor had warned Rachel not to leave Finn alone with the baby. Finn had caught Rachel crying again.

"Hey..." He said softly. "What's wrong? Don't you think he likes me?" There was that half smile she had dreamed of the last two months. "You like me don't you buddy? I am your daddy.." Micah focused his amber eyes on Finn as he smiled. "Say mama, don't be sad. You are no longer a widow..."

"That's not funny Finn."

"Not funny at all." Came Carole's voice as she began to feel chocked up. The last time she had come to see Finn he seemed to be sleeping. "You somehow seem to have your dad's twisted sense of humor."

"Now it's my fault?" Chris said as he and Blaine followed inside. Carole took Rachel's place in holding Finn's free hand.

"It is when he makes jokes like that." His wife said.

"So no army humor for the ladies huh?" Chris smiled.

"None whatsoever if I want to live." Finn saw Rachel roll his eyes at him.

Blaine suddenly shook. "That's Kurt. Again."

"So you haven't told anyone? For real?"

"I am still battling with what still feels real." Rachel said. "I am just waiting for the right time."

"Which is?"

"When he's cleared to go home." Chris said. The doctor had said it was a miracle Finn was alive and as such he'd be careful to call it a victory for the next 48 hours. Finn had heard of his friends and how they somehow managed to have made it home without him. But was he really ready to go home just yet? He'd have to wait and see.

* * *

**As Finn is on his way to recovery, the night brings a major setback for him and Rachel. was it really a miracle that he woke up? And will they tell everyone else soon? **

**Stay tuned and thank you for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Let the light guide you through**

**AU Finchel. She heard it like they all had. The boys were coming home, within the next few hours she'd be able to hold Finn again. Or so she thought. After a mission goes terribly wrong, Rachel is left wondering if she'll ever see him again. And then she sees the white car approaching. Her heart shattering into a million pieces.**

**A/N: It's been forever I know! But this semester is really taking a tall on me and I really haven't been inspired at all, but at least I'd thought I owed you guys to end this right in the next few chapters **

**I DON'T OWN GLEE!**

**I do hope you enjoy! **

**Chapter 12:**

She was afraid. Afraid of what it meant for Finn to go back home and face reality, reality of his friends and his children whom had yet to learn of their father being alive. Finn was released from the hospital in Germany on the condition he had to go into immediate care and rehabilitation upon his return home. Still. Rachel would not bring herself to leave her baby alone with his father, despite of the fact that a vulnerable Finn reminded her of the young boy she had met at Glee and fallen in love with.

"Are you comfortable enough?" She asked him as Finn leaned back on his seat. Micah safely sitting on his lap. She'd watch her child babble excitedly as he spent more and more time with him.

"Would you stop worrying? I'm fine Rach, I just want to get home and get back to my life." He brushed her cheek slowly and focused his attention back on Micah.

"I still feel bad for not telling the kids the truth, they are the only ones who don't know." Rachel turned to Blaine with a sigh, he smiled.

"Don't, it will be an amazing surprise for them." He stopped for a bit to glance over at Finn. "It still doesn't seem real"

"You are telling me?" Rachel smiled as she watched Finn interact with their youngest one. "For one I don't know how he managed to survive two months without us knowing anything"

"He still hasn't told you?" Blaine inquired, Rachel waved her head. They had been in Germany for four days and Finn had yet to be able to talk about what had happened after the last call she had received from him. The doctor had called it ´selective memory loss´which meant he was too tormented or scared to tell her about it, after all, she'd always worry. And for another thing, maybe he was shielding himself from having to relieve it, specially when he seemed in peace. And yet she couldn't help but worry, she had been an army wive for quite a while. She knew what side effects this could have on him long term, Carole for example, had advised her to make sure he slept, for at least a few hours a night.

Of course she knew he needed to sleep and yet he seemed not to.

* * *

She had just texted Santana and Kurt about them landing home. She had asked them to bring the kids along. Of course she was beyond worried about her brood of all ages children running around an airport so she had asked them to meet her in a small room Chris had managed to find and secure from one security guard as he told the story of his wounded son and him not having seen his children in more than 5 months.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Santana heard Matt groan as they walked trough the airport.

"We need to go find your mom, that's all" Kurt added before Santana snapped.

"Was she detained or something?" Cory asked. "I don't think it's legal to transport your husband's ashes."

"Your war hero's husband ashes." Matt put in. Sometimes he was so much like Rachel.

"How much longer uncle Kurt?" Hannah asked as she caught up behind her brothers. Cory and Matt each had Wyatt and Perry on their shoulders as the others followed suit.

"Grandma!" Jack finally spotted a familiar face and ran to hug Carole as she fought against her emotions. "Where's mom?"

"She just right trough there guys." Chris said as he was greeted by all his grandchildren.

* * *

"Are you sure you are alright Finn?" Blaine asked a moment before the children came in.

"Are you kidding man?" Finn said with a grin. He smiled and Blaine understood so he opened the door in the same moment Rachel took Finn's hand in hers.

"Well, go on kids.." They heard Carole say, Finn began to see his kids come in. Cory and Mat had gotten taller for sure as Jack and Hannah were sure still his trouble makers, they couldn't really see him as he was in the far end of the small room.

"Mom?" Cory asked placing Perry down on the ground. "What happened, are you okay?"

"Oh man, you saw dad?" Jack didn't mean to be insensitive but Rachel's emotions got the best of her.

"Mom, what..." Matt's eyes drifted to the side of the room. Finn sat in a wheelchair as his body wasn't strong enough to support him just yet, his eyes met Matt's and each child realized what had happened.

"But how?" Was all Matt could mutter before his youngest brothers and sister were able to rum in their father's direction.

"I made a promise. didn't I?" Was Finn's only response.

"Daddy! I knew you were alive! I knew it!" Finn held on to four young children at the best of his ability as the other two had their chance to be embraced.

He was home. And as Rachel watched her children talk to Finn like no time had passed, she smiled.

"Daddy?" It was Perry's curious mind what made Rachel remember what happened. "Why are you not tall no more?" Finn smiled.

"He's sitting Perry." Jack answered back.

"Because he's... well you..."

"You see buddy, I was standing for a long time and so the doctor thought it would be better if I stayed sitting for a while."

"Are you sick?" Hannah asked worriedly. Finn held Wyatt on his lap as he held on to his tags.

"Yes sweetie, but I will get better."

* * *

**Sooo what did you guys think? I hope it wasn't that bad! Finn is home but his challenges are far from over! Please review if you can and thank you for reading! **


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